Sunday, 12 August 2012

Back to posting!

Wedding went well!

Not a single glitch which was a nice surprise, couldn't be more relieved to get the speech over with too... There were a few rather risqué jokes in there but they were all well received to my huge relief.. for anyone who is interested you can find a draft of the speech below, I'm sure you can guess the dodgy jokes:

"Hello everyone, could I have your attention please...


...For those of you unfamiliar with me, my name is Scott and I have been bestowed with the honour of best man on this joyful occasion...


...Personally I like to think I was chosen for this important role because of my wide spread public appeal... my natural charm, classic good looks and sharp wit essentially guarantee a successful speech.. I'm afraid the reality is simply that Thom just doesn't have any other friends...


...Before I get too carried away with verbally abusing the groom.. I would like to thank Thom and Amy, both personally and on behalf of the beautiful bridesmaids and my fellow groomsmen for involving us in their most special of days together...


...I'd also like to reiterate the thanks Thom has expressed to everyone involved in making today such a success.  It's fantastic to see so much love and support for this young couple.. And I hope you can extend a little bit of that love and support for me... in the form of overly generous applause and laughter during the next couple of minutes...


...So where do Thom and I begin... I've known the man since we were in Primary School together.  Back then he was a giggling, childish, monkey-boy... and very little has changed... however he has was also an incredibly funny, honest and loyal friend... and very little has changed there too...


...Throughout our childhood together it became clear to me that Thom was....kinda special...for one thing he had the absolutely amazing ability to conceal any and all traces of the mighty Oxford University intellect that he possesses.  In fact he still routinely hides this intelligence so adeptly that I sometimes doubt if he can even spell his own name... so to see him successfully sign his name on the wedding register today was a huge relief for me...


...Thom has been involved in many of my fondest life adventures, I've seen him during his highs and his lows...quite literally.  I particularly enjoy the memory of witnessing Thom ignore all logic and advice during our Duke of Edinburgh expedition...  Thom's desperation to make a bee-line for the camp site resulted in him plunging neck deep into a stinking bog...


...He was properly stuck there like.. And was begging, me - his good friend and loyal companion for help - unfortunately I was too busy doubled over absolutely busting with laughter to provide the assistance he desperately needed as he sank ever deeper into the bog...


...I'm also actually responsible for concussing the poor boy when I tried to show him how to "properly swing a hockey stick." I'm pretty sure it wasn't intentional at the time... but I have left him with a permanent reminder of me on the side of his head...


...I actually think I'm going to stop mentioning these stories now... because the more of them I tell you guys the more I'm starting to seriously question why he picked me as his best man...


...I feel quite fortunate as best man here because I've actually had the pleasure of knowing the bride for a long time too... but I'm a gentleman and it wouldn't be right to put Amy into an awkward position here...I'm sure Thom will be doing that tonight anyway so...

...I can actually remember speaking with Amy about our young Thomas here long ago before they even got together.  I fondly regaled Amy at the time with a brief history of Thom's foolish exploits and carrying on.  Little did I know it was the beginning of a truly special foundation, and from then it didn't take long for Thom's Impish charm to ensnare Amy...and from there the pair of them have grown that into a truly strong and healthy relationship...

...And now here they sitting before me on their wedding day... Mr Russell and Miss Cooke, though of course she'll no longer be known as “Miss Cooke” but rather she'll go by  "Miss Cook-Clean-Laundry-Iron-Dishwasher..."


...I jest of course, Mrs Russell sits before us here today... a vision of true loveliness, like a shining light she illuminates this whole room with her beauty... And Mr Russell... at least you tried...


...I know tradition suggests I should provide some advice to the new couple.  So I will share with you a universal truth about love... No matter how vexed or frustrated you may ever get with your wife, just remember that life without women would be an even bigger pain in the ass...


...If I can put all my joking aside I can say with no fallacy, that Thom and Amy are two of my favourite people on this earth, each with their own unique and wonderful personalities.  My life is brighter and happier for having both of them in it.  And I cannot think of two people who are more deserving of each other...


So in closing with this sentiment of warmest wishes I offer a toast to the bride and groom:


To good health, and many happy, loving years together."


After the speech I finally got to relax and enjoy the food and drink... and music! Oh man the soundtrack was everything I could've hoped for from a wedding.. So many classics and I highly enjoyed it, I managed to track down a rare informal photo of me on the day in the middle of some serious grooving.. so enjoy that!





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